How we came to be…

I met Lee in 2007. We were technically in a nightclub but it was early and the club was not open yet. For a good couple of months the nightclub let a group of hippies use their space to put on an improvised music night, Lee was in the band and I sold tickets at the door (briefly because I was baaaad at it). After 2 months, they kicked us out because there were no alcohol sales and nobody would keep their shoes on while dancing. But Lee and I had met, and I was already completely in love.

On that very first afternoon, I was standing at the entry getting the table ready to sell tickets when Lee walked in and said ‘Hello’ with the friendliest smile. He was wearing jeans that he made himself and carrying his saxophones over his shoulder. Soon, we were sitting near each other talking about porridge. I was studying Nutrition and Lee was finishing a post-graduate degree in Music Therapy and was super passionate about food medicine and mental health. Our first conversation was literally about how we make our porridge!

The next week he gave me a CD of his music, with his phone number inside, I was sure it was a cute way of giving me his number. I listened to the CD over and over again (As time went on, I realised he gave everyone he met his CD). I would hang out for every Sunday when I would see him play at the music night. A few months of this and I got up the courage to ask him on a date; we went to the movies to see ‘Into Great Silence’, a film about the daily lives of monks living in a monastery high in the French Alps. Lee loved it a little too much! Shortly after, I drew Lee a cute picture and told him how I felt. I learnt that Lee cared about me a lot, but he was a celibate yogi and deeply committed to his spiritual path. Almost 2 years before we met, Lee had given up cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, sugar, coffee, and sex. He said he could never be in a relationship with me, or anyone else. I cried.

So we continued as best friends. I was still so in love with him, but I figured eventually someone else would turn up who I loved more and until then I would follow lee about like a lost puppy dog. We did everything together! We had the most romantic friendship; we had picnic dinners, went to shows in the city, gave each other massages, went on four-day hikes (sharing a tiny tent), and swam naked in every body of water. Once we tried brushing each other's teeth… just for fun. Lee wrote songs for me and I sometimes cried because I loved him so much and I knew we were only ever going to be friends.

After a year and a half of bittersweet loving friendship, Lee decided to move overseas indefinitely. I was devastated, but also partly relieved because I knew I’d never meet anyone else while we spent all our time together. I thought I would have a chance to move on. But then I made plans to move into Lee’s house while he was away, it was a better location for travelling to work and uni and would mean I could live on my own. I moved in a week before Lee moved out. Two days before he left, we kissed for the first time (we were in Newtown dog park eating fruit salad). Then we went home and made love. Then we loved each other rapturously for two days until finally, Lee said sadly “I’m so sorry, I just can’t be anyone’s boyfriend” … I replied “don’t worry Lee, you go to India, when you get back, we’ll get married! You’ll be my husband, you’ll never have to be my boyfriend!!! Lee’s face turned white and his look of confusion and sadness washed our days away. Then he left. I was meant to go to uni but I stayed home and cried all of that day.

The months that he was gone were pretty dark. I was hopeful and then when I finally got an email from him, he was distant and it was clear our moment had gone. I wallowed in my misery and started wearing his clothes, taking his backpack to uni, wearing his slippers, his scarf, his beanie. Surrounding myself in his things. It is hilariously sad when I think of it now. He called me a couple of times, but it was hard to talk to him, I wanted his love but he wouldn't let me have it. (I realise in hindsight how special it was that he called me). I did love living on my own, and there was lots of good stuff in my life then too, but I remember the constant heartache of missing Lee and feeling so empty.

Lee came home after 7 months. He emailed me to let me know and told me not to move out, he would stay with his mum for a few weeks and was planning to leave again. But he didn’t. We had one difficult conversation where I made Lee repeat back to me all the phrases I needed to hear, like: “No Shaye, we’re never going to get married”, “No Shaye, we’re never going to have children together”… It was late at night and I felt frustrated and angry at him. I said “I just don't believe you, I feel like your lying” and he went home. We went back to our normal, loving non-relationship, doing everything together, our friendship was so easy and fun, we fell straight into swing with each other again.

Two weeks later, while we were massaging each other's feet and watching a movie together, he sat up straight and looked at me with intention. He said, “I'm ready to be in a relationship now”. I remember laughing and saying that he couldn't sleep in my bed, in case he changed his mind. So we slept on the lounge for the night. The next day he moved back into his own house.

A couple of months later, on my birthday, Lee asked me to marry him. We were having a sunrise beach swim. And I said yes.

We were engaged for 6 months and were married in September 2009.

{Period Pudding}